the air the most innocence ever
and god would loveee the banana milkshakes
a million sugars dare ice coffee
the chocolate paddlepops
and lemonade
humidity sometimes kind of subdued and every path an endless dream of warm concrete
city so asleep with fairy lights still gently glowing and houses with doors wide open
the streets dark and nothing is happening
and nothing much happens ever
and nothing u do can ever be that wrong
nothing is very consequential
no matter what a summer sun rises early 6am and there will be warmth
and even behind the hotel air con vents
and under highways
and at cracky valley train stations there are hibiscus growing
and palms up above
grey concrete highways out to the golden coasts
grey concrete highways out to the waterfalls
and the end of days are early like 6pm but nothing feels like it’s caving in
the light dies and the night only calls to lounge on outdoor lounges by the pool
or watch a tropical crazy storm
or lie on white sheets and kiss and fall asleep
it won’t be cold dw and if u want to see beautiful things tomorrow theyll be there
just go to sleep and sleep as long as u like
and if u feel like it u can tell anyone the things u want to do in life
and they’ll believe u
or they won’t but it won’t matter
i send emails to maybe change my life and text people i probably shouldn’t with the sun on my white tee back sipping h20 coconut water from an over sized white can at a leafy suburb bus stop
life is sweet and life is happening lightly
the thing i have regretted most is whenever i have taken it all to be more serious than this but it’s never happened with u
waking up in vegas with nothing to gain and nothing to lose
its unbearable sometimes so
u have to leave
go somewhere where things matter but
all highways lead back to u
ur so perfect and no one cares
ur so perfect and no one cares
i think its the way u like it

on the island of the gods you were always my angel
so when everything had fallen apart i didn’t know where else to be
not quite by your side but living in memory
and every night i dive into the bali influencer pool
beside the roided and the beautiful
and make wishes on the two stars
i tell myself are me and u

and i tell myself
what i read the other day
that only in falling are we given wings
and that ill forever cherish the wings i was gifted
the wings from when i fell for u

and

i <3 u canggu
all the talk of crypto riches on crushed up asphalt paths
all the surfing and clove cigarette smoking and coldplay serenading under the stars
everything blessed by canang sari coconut blessings
to maintain balance between all things
the good & the evil
the gods & the demons
all the material & all the spiritual
the gym staff tell me that the incense is to carry blessings into the sky
so they place tropicana slim the bali stevia in the blessings by the health food bar perfect diet offerings for the gods
and i love when boys are vain and count calories
obsessed with macros and terribly incredible tattoos
and literally every night beach club music seeps into everything
and the fireworks blast out across the sky
all tropical all promise
all pink all paradise

and

pools bright blue in perfect weather
and i miss when we’d sleep
right next to each other
but it’s ok
i have the breeze to hold me now
and the black sand beaches cling so much
that there’s still no chance that i’ll just slip away

idk
i pray
and i write
and talk to the sky
and tryyyyy
to make peace

because fr so much of the time
time doesn’t really feel real without u
i just spend it somehow and smile
but when it rains
and when it rains and rains and rainsssss
like it has on the island this september
i come home to myself
and all the smiling in the sunlight
and all the craziness on warm nights has ended
and im like a child
and i can’t really work out why im anywhere without u

but its another night
and after pilates i dive in the pool
and talk to my instructor about life and the latest protein ice creams
and the fairy lights shine so beautiful
and the scent in the air is so sweet
and i know that im the luckiest girl in the world i guess

bangalow palms & aqua green pools barely there in the darkness waiting for u for byron in libra season at the apartment complex i love two stories high and cheap and transient the place to be for literally a moment like its all luxury construction now from dirt and ashes and millions but the year before two thousand and twenty four it was kind of like that place shelly duvall lives in cali when her name is milly lammeroux and dream days and drunk nights followed their own circadian rhythm and you would get gifted fresh faded white linen and a towel on arrival from a sunkissed girl and also that type of sleepiness that makes u feel like before u ever had a phone or a skincare routine and life was just life and u would just fall asleep
when i arrived i was delirious and walked out to a lounge of girls lounging in the glow of a tv screen and a couple of surfers on the lawn eating late under fluorescents
and usually i try
to not get instantly caught up in any place
but everything was so faded and aged and used and left in peace
and that night like the rest of it all
i disintegrated into rose gold ashes
dusted beautiful nothingness
rested on a dilapidated couch to just be swirled around by the season
and it was the best literally medicinal af after months of being in a place where i thought i had to be someone or become someone eventually at the very least
now barely talking to anyone just with girls washed out by endless holidaying and skies washed out by sea mist
its so blissed out bliss
and the height of beautiful aimlessness
i read lists of sexy vs unsexy geminis marilyn monroe vs marquis de sade
traipse around sipping a carton of raw c coconut water under the stars
write in a notebook i’ll definitely misplace and make to do lists i’ll never complete
and do my makeup just to pass the time
because its byron and its libra and the day never really begins before twelve
and like the bay air and the palm fronds and the sun bleached hair
we’re all just lifted slightly and drifting around softly
and then left peacefully until like whenever

& now everyones a dj 2022 starbucks in the best whip ever fake furs & real love l l love in this club dog filters at the pres & always staceyyyy a personal hydralyte obsession & kardashian monarchy sharpie tattoos real diamonds babe camille so supreme alize tiaras & balmians & us sunshine coast private tours seminyak sunsets & birthday la brisa tequila shots bali wedding eat pray love glow & slick af moves with a clove cigarette in hand diet coke in the other crystal blue villa pools tongues out 1. woke up 2. asap rocky prettiness i <3 paris stolen tees & cheekiness amelia forever pineapple vodka cruisers getting drunk off rita ora & s t a rrrrr thats what u are cause ur big in japan big in japan born sleepy a perfect rose in the suburbs for my love tangled corded headphones & his torn af grey hoodie ugh <3

it was us
four girls at four am in the stars lounge
with all the words to birth of rap reflected in our eyes and then all my tears fell everywhere with kiran by my side
because its sweet and its beautiful but its halloween
so in between every track
i remember that idk who u are now
u talk to me still but idk
and this night in other years i always knew with u
dressed up as two angels the first ever time u took me out
another year i couldn’t think of what else to wear
so i drew on your face tattoo with eyeliner
an ombre terrible wig and a supreme tee just to be the girl version of u
and so yeah i was trying to not be haunted
but we were drinking sm champagne and i didn’t notice until it was too late that take over control had started to play
and the synths took over our booth and the words glowed on the screen and the mic was in my hand and all our ministry of sound memories flooded over me
my mind now just swimming in a pool
of electronicá and u
and i couldn’t do anything but miss the world between us
all the lightness all the sweetness
all the driving around doing nothing but make memories that would last forever
we had a world that made me feel like we could take over everything together
from your bedroom in a city that means nothing to anyone
from your car that would pick me up everyday because we couldn’t go a day without each other
when i stopped putting up all the walls about like how much of my time u could have we became inseparable and just before it happened
u sent me that song and i lay in bed imagining u driving me around in your car and i would take the passenger seat take over control
i wanted to feel what it was like to give my life to u
and so one day
i did

when i dream of u i dream of u buying the cutest selection of trinkets at the post office for me and charlotte every birthday posted from where we would rather be ballerina pink jewellery boxes and chihuahua diamanté studded diaries and those fluffy toys with huge eyes and when i think of u i think of cheekiness and next level sun tanning and just being so alive and so i wanted to write this to to u to tell u about the palms because in the month before i was accidentally at the hare krishna ashram as u died i couldn’t escape hearing the same kind of sentiment
like this yoga class teacher said know that as u stand in the middle of your mat u are standing in the middle of your life and also imagine yourself as a tree ur favourite kind with roots tying u to wherever u are classic yoga things that i have always completely ignored and when i did this consult with this guy about how i should live according to ayuverda he said u have to give yourself warmth and sweetness and only eat when u are present so u need to come home to yourself at least three times a day and as u can probably guess i didn’t want to and there was also this page from a book i bought for james in byron on my birthday its this like silver holographic book about starseeds and i love it but it said its dangerous to get too caught up in always thinking of the stars because ur soul chose to be here now and it had a reason to be here now but i always pay no mind
i haven’t really been interested in being here that much apart from in the highlights and i dont really know what to do with the rest of it all the birthday u sent gifts for makes me a gemini x5 so much air and i don’t like to feel attached to too much and i don’t even really like the words grounded and earthy and roots tbh most of the time i just want to feel like im floating between everything at once never anywhere completely and i think i’ve perfected it but on that saturday at 11.33am when a text said u had passed i was on radha krishna temple grass under two sets of twin palms and i admitted to myself and now to u that i really miss living my life
underneath it all i know right now im not with the skies
no stars
no heaven
no anything yet
instead just lying in brandy melville trackies and my so young tee a beautiful plastic surged hare krishna next to me gathering flowers for the chains that lie on the god figurines and kids of devotees chasing each other around a faded blue plastic swing
there was something about u leaving that im def not with u anymore it made me want to start letting myself be here again live it and love it kind of thing and it made me begin to reconsider what she said about the trees how u can be your favourite type and obv i started to think a lot about the palms the ones we always loved the ones that were there in that moment skinny and swaying and leaning against each other so beautiful anytime of day and idk why but for the first time being a tree didn’t feel as terrible as i had imagined before and i knew i had been given a chance to have all my energy in one place again
but
as u know
it’s been a while now since then and all of this still scares me to be still and let myself stand let myself feel attached to exactly where i am so tbh I haven’t done it very often but there’s been sometimes when idm being terrified that i have been in my fave jewel crucifix black dress waiting for stacey to pick me up or wearing not much in front of the mirror at a club and felt the hazy vape soaked light or the softness of a january summer night lay down from above me and felt the concrete beneath me and thought of myself as a fucking palm tree
and i really hope that what’s u see if u ever see me now returned to when i was a child when i could feel it all standing and swaying and living out life like a palm in the world
like a girl
who is completely 100% underneath the stars
underneath wherever u are <33

on the ac cooled floor of the apartment that was once yours and one day was mine too u gave me my first tattoo first day of summer first day of december a month and a half after we first met a star on the back of my hand drawn on since i was a kid u bandaged me up after like a fallen angel and i probably fell asleep in your bed we weren’t together then but it was the beginning of my life with u boy above all boys boy that will forever have my forever twenty one heart
i think true love is having fresh out the dryer warm laundry thrown on top of u and then u kiss being picked up when it rains and being laughed at cause ur so soaked like an accidental wet tee contest and u get home and shower and kiss and feeling like going somewhere at night when there’s nowhere to go so we walk to the convenience store and buy a lotto ticket for u and a pepsi max for me and its perfect because with 10 dollars more to ur name and my teeth drenched in aspartame we kiss
i wasn’t here yet when u were born but ive known for a while that u tilted the axis of everything on arrival just enough to gift each of us a moment longer in that kind of otherworldly 3am night feeling with no limitations and no rules id really never seen that kind of infinity before i miss it all
and i miss being a kid with u the most and i miss the moments before being kids ended for the second time in life and i miss the now mostly abandoned files on old laptops or drawings on long unopened pages of everything we created and i miss showing u my favourite places to watch a september sunset drive to that church carpark or the cemetery for the best
i just miss when we had the same address
because u gave me my first tattoo which i always thought was a star
but when i think about it now
it was ur name
forever and ever
on my heart

promo girls in beautiful feathered white angel wings gift byron bay chocolates to the guests and the girls are definitely byron too small tattoos on backs of golden arms and nail beds just like hailey biebers idk the name of the style maybe like pinterest wanderlust veryyyy manifestation very the sun the moon the stars and it’s a new flavour so pink i think strawberry vanilla burst (with hibiscus) of course and the body electric stall flows with fountains of expensive bouquets and kinda flavourless but pretty electrolyte water and i have a double happiness while a security guard tells me about his life and that pamela has been around for a while i say yes and then a while later she’s on stage just glowingly beautiful and blonde and awkward talking about her life she was told when she was a child that u aren’t an extension of your parents or the place u were born at all to the world you are completely a brand new light and i walked home beaming with fresh electrolyte sachets in my country road duffel bag

i used to be so obsessed with the things it takes to come alive
i would literally make shrines to them pray to them talk about them all the time
and i dont really know the exact day i let it all fall away from me but
on 4/20 u flew out to LA and that night
there were all these visions of rihanna & a chris brown lookalike
making out on led screens and playing out in every direction
the glittering neon vevo images of love drugs life loss obsession
and i stood there on the club mezzanine floor drenched in endless pink light and thought of all my dreams from that time
when i held my life passions so close and knew the girl i could be and knew that to u i was literally everything
and i knew that umm i’ve wasted it all away i think kind of trashed my dreams completely
and so yeah it was so dramatic
and i hate to admit it but
i cried
at the club
sportsgirl glitter stars fell from my eyes
and there was sm streaked out concealer and foundation perpetually reapplied
and they asked for drinks
so many vodka red bulls
so many sugarfree vodka red bulls
and i deliriously smiled
with terribly held in we found love tears
because this right now is my life
this is what i have chosen
this stupid club just running through my blood
crazy AM hours and every night the girls and strobes and girls and strobes
i keep telling myself maybe next year it will all be different
but tbh idk how to want to get there
without my dreams and without u
so i fall asleep at 9am texting u
and eating cornflakes with real milk
and i kind of dont usually have either
but it all makes sense
and also
no questions at this time please
i need my beauty sleep
and i need to wake up later
and be
fingers crossed
completely someone else

he was born in miami
GC not florida
but a while ago
i think we were born from literally the same star
idk which one but the same stardust completely
the karl to my cara
my electronicá cult leader
and definitely my love
and i think in every life we should just leave the house to buy us watermelon
and we could also fly to california sometimes
and drive at night through anywhere we like playing 4am
(Adam K & Soha Remix) of course
and dream and take molly and go live life together
and whenever we need it we can go and get cleansed in aqua glitter water at es vedra
and ibiza is waiting for us always
but also i think in every life
im waiting for u
and idm
i know you’ll be there just like last time
u dont remember and it’s ok
because i dont either
but i know it just like the woman in that 2017 arizona i-D video knew that Molly Bair is definitely a starseed
and in every life we’ll get psychic readings from her whenever we’re lost
and when she’s not free we’ll go to that woman i talk about all the time
the one with i think the most beautiful old hollywood name
Wendy L’Belle-Tividad
and in every life we should be in bali waterfalls and later get twin IV health drip injections
thousands of matching vitamin cocktails please
and we could even just go to a beach close to u sometime
mermaid or surfers paradise
or go to erewhon and obsess over the latest sugarfree anythings
and listen to the 2008 remix and lana and bip ling
and buy a will cotton painting
rent ur favourite car
and like every life before
we’ll drive to miami because
miami is a place and like boys in florida
the boys in reels i save to send to u
we can rent jet skis and go across the water to the end of the world
at sunset of course
because i want for us
no more thoughts
just beauty
just life
just us
<33

it always starts with losing iphones forever idek how bunnies bikinis & sky blue triple ss hot like the tropics hot like the tropics dj nirvana mtv unplugged 1994 feed me diamonds remix hot make it hot make it hot make it hotter his angel wing tee on stage in a smoke machine haze & a babe diamanté chocker necklace two kids & a fated halloween party asap rocky galaxy heart parental advisory i am not perfect but i am limited edition star uggs & a halo no rules with a ministry of sound screensaver stacey & greyson forever plz make it ruins hoodie & a love for the world & the world is your oyster with david guetta sexy bitch nye wishes fake alexander wang b*tches & a jacques lu cont remix california girls or mr brightside obv tat a fly adidas skater girl on his hip sipping sugar free canadian clubs i will always love u i love u forever yeezy picnics & champagne silk & last afternoon of a year pnau happiness sm festival love

on a sleepchella stardust morning
the morning after the last
the day did start before twelve
accidentally bleeding onto bedsheets always makes me think of that pic of that girl
in floral sheets and grey trackies
i really don’t know why it was everywhere in twenty seventeen
but it was
at six am on this morning tho
in a room of still snoozing girls
i didn’t think of anything
i took a palexia and joined them for a while
and then the early morning rays and slight sleep sounds faded
and i dreamt of coachella or something america
a stage dusty and sparkling and glowing pink
made by pyrotechnics and smoke machines
and i was blessed and confused
I hadn’t dreamt in so long
and my day dreams had turned into the most forced aspirations
but on this morning it all felt good again
it all felt light pink again
i woke up in love again
and then it was another byron day
and life was just like
sparkling water

once upon a time so completely a thousand percent ride or die that eventually i did both
and three years ago when i died i didn’t know
i thought that there would be like a pretty funeral and they would play naomi elizabeth or lana unreleased about dying young
and i would be burnt to ashes and set free at some beach club and
even have a tombstone at some place i loved
but it didn’t happen
and so i didn’t know it at all
or i reallyyyyy didn’t want to know
so that i could keep riding even when i was kind of a ghost
the ghost of a believer in all the light and all the love
and a tour guide for happiness and beauty
i still remembered the best places the best moments to see it to be in it but i wasnt really in it for myself anymore
and once upon a time i stayed on the island of the gods for so long
just so i wouldnt fall apart
and then i flew home and fell apart completely
and it was so fucked up
but sometimes now
the sun makes everything glow on an early summer morning
and u can barely see through all the lightness and the yawning
and the dew drops on the grass have a scent of school camp
waking up to watered down cordial and best friends
my heart this december is just like yes dedicate everything to literally whatever u like
theres nothing u have to do with a day or with a life
have a child only because the due date is the birthday of ur fave dead celeb
a possible cleopatra or lil peep reincarnate or at least maybe lookalike
make sm money just to spend it on the things u like and not much else u can feel so good buying vintage bunny statues and chanel
drift down to the park or the beach for a moment with girls or by yourself listening to anything u feel like hearing
or do nothing
so fly and so free
theres so much peace and sleep when it all finally crashes down
and theres nothing left to try no more reasons to ask why
finally a self help book tiktok advice wellness retreat school dropout
it all makes me smile
all so beyond pointless now
and in that beaming light nothingness
u can be so resurrected

one of the visions so completely beautiful in memory
that now i have no choice but to take to fingers crossed heaven with me
is of course of me and u and is of course of the valley
the valley where we first met
the valley almost always abundant
with fucked up girls and fucked up trash everything streets
i love it
and its been so long since the moment
so like
i can’t remember anything surrounding it
a diamond cut from the rock that gives context to where it came from
shining alone amongst hours and days now faded away
but it’s just of me and u
passing out at 5am at a bus stop
dressed as two angels
i thought about it today
and thought about how maybe it was the first time i ever felt actually kind of safe
my terrible haircut rested on your black feather wing shoulder
surrounded by all the other early morning falling apart versions of every costume ever
these are the things i do remember

the legacy my grandmother left with me is two things a plastic watermelon slice money box with the cutest mouse lazing on top greetings from kirra beach written on the side and an intense affinity obsession love for the coast they both belonged to the most lazy coast the most golden coast the coast where everything is perfectly named isle of capri next to paradise island next to the surfers del rey santa monica and redondo avenue in miami because it all makes perfect sense that way and the truth is that everything is perfect chemists sell bedazzled water bottles and champagne stoppers that say LUXURY and FRIDAY and the check out always abundant with $2.99 diamanté om prayer hand keychains and small crazy girls eat fairy bread at sunday morning birthdays helium 6s and 5s in the air at mermaid glowing white slices and rainbow sprinkles half eaten and discarded on the lawn by the beach and on the sand at 2pm cotton on towels and uggs patiently wait for tan af teens to return from their pursuit of perfect insta posts and cute shells for faintly green silver chains and while glimmering skyscrapers glimmer on the horizon and the disintegrating concrete 60s aloha apartments disintegrate i look at the light pink acrylics i got at Diamond Nails this morning and know that nowhere can ever make me feel this beautiful

words of nothing just play out on repeat somedays like a dj too fucked up to remember that this loop has gone on now for like forever but finally the club closes the words leave and i never really give them much thought somedays tho i think about them and i write them down and hope this will make them leave or at least make them make sense to me its like last november i would write on pages purchased on the coast lying next to u in our still in love but dark now world and between showers with visions of girls with bbls as the water droplets falling mini versions of rappers too singing in autotune raining down on my body washed skin i would see what other visions would come in and every time it was always two words constant serpentine constant serpentine i have them written so many times and i didn’t know why because ive never really thought about snakes but this september after our last call i saw no one and went crazy and talked on the phone for hours and walked along storm cloud bali beaches and at night they started to be in my dreams first a feeling then the shape of coils and then on the lunar eclipse i was fighting one in my sleep fighting to not let it get into my villa and it was so strange like after this for days i noticed everything reptilian until it quickly escaped into gaps of tiles or streets and id never noticed them in bali before
the dreams im still unsure of but i realised yesterday at body factory while rain fell into my excelled health vibe ice cream sitting by the abandoned monsoon season pool that this has all aligned with the 9th of the 9th in the year of the snake and in numerology rn its the year of the 9 and girls on insta say thats also symbolised by the snake i read reels that say its a time to shed anything no longer serving a time of rebirth and new beginnings and so i promised myself that i wouldn’t repeat these cycles anymore and looking back i didn’t quite fulfil that promise and i hated that for a while but its ok with every loop there’s a chance to break and it doesn’t have to be on the 9th of the 9th in the year of the snake i have that diary from the past with me now and alongside my notes on the bbls and lil wayne its just me writing other things that didn’t make sense to me the last page from last november says the karma and the fates and the loops sm fear of repetitions and dreamlike deja vu because all the things that can change & all the things that cannot we don’t know the difference now but its been a year and i think or i pray that now i kind of do

birth of avicii james day & just like the prettiest our house sunset selfies in the goodlife lockers today is not the day but this calvin pj boyfriend shirt i love sm brain freeze slushie & chipped nails on diet coke can afternoons & what i like on the projector & a salem screensaver with a stacey soundcloud track a valley girl gallery sales assistant now shuffling in uggs & diamonds sippin cranberry blood whole fish manifestations b*tch its the birthday of my love & realisations of a kreyshawn linage a gabgirl chilanel type of luxury & my hospital drip city girl city girl spring breaker piano scene laptop at the apple store young wild & free & shelby shine energy drinks & monet & tv smoking all this grass got me thinking bout ur ass lil wayne nye kisses striped dopeness with 196s & sunrise on the astroturf yung lean type of suave in her cup youre always on my mind baby there’s no time miami

st kilda just like a beach and lifes a beach and when the palais air attracts all sweetnesses on days like these we forget everything so in 2pm fridayness
me and the saint of the beach of the saints wait for the phoenix palms and bright white rollercoaster scaffolding to be soaked in end of it all light as kids wave arms up 50 meters too early in anticipation on the rides and we wait for the soundtrack of their screams gliding by to mix with washed out popstar radio drifting from the park gates and the eshays and hare krishnas chanting and the neon pink nangs cracking and kids just crying and trying to skate and we wait for the white noise whispers of cracked out conspiracy theories and the air to be rare af the scent of a beach that is most of the time a beach but right now a cloud of colognes and body spritzs the tropical the fresh and the free with the fake lash and juicy tee highschool angels traipsing around looking to find culture kings boys texted sometime before everything is so misted in their wake and doubled by the jet ski spray and slightly estranged dads buy soft serves and soft drinks sold from vans for girls they don’t see quite enough but def still love and it all sinks into the sand coolness lost so fast that the bright pink fizzling and strawberry cream sprinkles are equally tasted and spilt and melted away
we used to drive 3.30 rush to the bay for dolphins and dope fiends after primary school days the sweetest beach fr
and now with falling to pieces Louis Vuitton sneakers and sherbet pink energy drinks rested up on the lawn we bask between our shifts at clubs and casinos and like everything else slip into sunset comas
completely sugar od’d
but the light still falls at the peninsula and in slightly wet blue boyfriend denim and wet af white tees white girls compare the days efforts with tan accomplices as they walk away in sync and in the air is every last exhale of every watermelon vape as jbl speakers playing perpetual drake finally pass away
the teens search for something else
and kids fall asleep in car rides home
and at the end of the season we know we have to leave
i think it might be the laws of the universe or whatever
that all the sweetness just to be tasted kinda has to be torn apart
but still ill always try to live life like
its the sweetest beach forever
when ur gone

i was in love with the two hours everyday i had found in a place we both knew we had to leave i am still in love with those hours shuffle as i walk two sizes too big white bali yeezys half real half fake worn down to greyness & half a sole shuffling along warm concrete u make me feel lazy & washed out my favourite perfect pace chakra snoozes as i leave for the sunset light down cyprus then acacia everyday its the same my silver rings my stars & jb clutching my smashed iPhone with corded headphones draped down at the wrist white silk shorts & my white angel wing T 2000 emblazoned & faded at the front barely ever underwear barely ever a key either he’s home waiting for me i just walk & dream walk & dream white houses on white stilts with fairy lights & trampolines manicured gardens & an abundance of outdoor lounges with flecks of a golden afternoon its all winding leafy avenues & an occasional four wheel drive we cross across the stream that flows through it all to the basketball court with a blanket of moss a teen boy shooting hoops by himself with the excessive aimlessness that only a set out aim can inspire towering overgrown bamboo falling as the backdrop to us both dream of the future & the past break to film the water flowing down as the sun falls too or to write in notes some thought for later or to watch the scenes play out on the stadium light flooded stage things are always still here the only movement apart from tiny grass flies & evening misty rain are the sports stars that return night after night teen girl runners with perfect long ponytails swishing by in nike 2xus middle aged walkers with a labrador or a friend on the phone to keep up with an apple watch cardio pace & of course the boys playing whichever season of sport under the iridescent glow soft cool & quiet apart from the panting & screams its a particular kind of gift that places like u gift i felt so free & u let my thoughts change become softer paradise type of mind so firmly planted that now i can take u everywhere with me but its birthplace was here i had dreamt a lot before but without a landscape to dream so it was perfect to me it was everything to me queens land is a dream land i forget that sometimes but i felt it on family holidays at 6 & 9 & i feel it now 22 22 every girl is an angel of the walk she does everyday passing by & gazing at every detail shes seen a million times before with a halo of flyaways crowning her head listening to everything the world has to say in that moment making anywhere more beautiful in memory day by day i knew every turn every street every angle & so i felt like i was the angel of a place i knew i would never belong to don’t get me wrong i did want it to be more glamorous to fall in love with somewhere far away from here & i still do but this became my vision of beauty for a while a year or so & sometimes u just are where u are & thats where u are supposed to be it feels so recent but i miss it all sm i dont like when u know that something u love is only getting further & further away
but i cant go back now only forward in honour of what u gave
it really was love tho & i think of u everyday
the place that gifted this gradual gift
the now unwavering belief
in something beautiful to give
something beautiful
to say